Redefining Success: Finding New Meanings After a Layoff

How Zefan's quick 'cheer-me-up' trip to Latin America turned into a 16+ month journey

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Jun 09, 2024

“And then I realized I didn’t want an employment contract – something decided on by someone else – to have that much control over me, especially when it had nothing to do with my performance or character.”—

Zefan

Dear friends,

This week, I am absolutely thrilled to introduce and interview a fellow writer on this Substack space:

Zefan

from

VERY LOST

Soon after discovering her work, I realized her story was one worth sharing.

It shows how unexpected career events, like a layoff from a reputable company we placed our aspirations on, can initially cause a moment of crisis. However, they often open up new possibilities and meanings as we reassess our life values.

As we'll see throughout the interview, travel can play a powerful role as a catalyst for change. It brings us into contact with people from all walks of life who have taken risks and challenged the status quo. These encounters prompt us to question and ponder our values in ways we might not normally do in the comfort of our everyday routines.

But without revealing too much, let's dive right in!

Hi Zefan! Thank you for agreeing to this interview! I thought about reaching out to you early after running into you and your publication, VERY LOST, on Substack.

While reading your newsletters, I immediately found your journey to be incredibly relatable. Whether we've been laid off, intentionally left a job, or contemplated taking a career break, your experience resonates deeply with those of us who have felt entrenched in the capitalist work system—or have suddenly become aware of its grip—and are now reevaluating our life values.

In addition to that, your story aligns perfectly with the mission of my publication,

Freedom Focus

: to free ourselves, discover new meanings, and embrace the life we truly desire. So, once again, welcome!

Could you tell us a little bit about the events in recent years that brought your Substack publication to life?

Hi Caterina, thanks for having me! I love the purpose of Freedom Focus, and so admire that you’ve been able to explore the world as an expat and nomad for so long.

My shift into the nomad life was a little more haphazard than most.

Before I started traveling, I was working at Amazon and living in Washington, D.C.. In January 2023, I moved to Seattle to sit closer to my team and take on a different role.

Unfortunately, a few days after I had landed in Seattle was Amazon’s first wave of mass layoffs – and my new role was included in it.

Since I’d just arrived in Seattle, I didn’t have a home yet and all of my items were already sitting in storage. I knew it would take several months to find a new job, and some friends of mine reminded me that I probably deserved a break, too. So, instead of applying for jobs from my parents house in Illinois or my cousin’s couch in Chicago, I decided to travel to South America.

I thought I would only spend a few months in Colombia and Ecuador until I found a role, but once I started traveling, I realized how much I needed to continue.

I didn’t really intend to write about the experience, at least not seriously.

Before I left Seattle, my cousin’s mother-in-law, who I absolutely adore, suggested a way to stay up to date on what I was doing.

I wanted something a little more intimate than a blog, so I looked for email newsletter platforms and found Substack. I’m so glad I chose Substack, because it opened me up to a world of writers – and readers – who inspired me to write, play, and create more.

Not just travel updates, but meaningful reflections on the places I’ve been and how they’ve changed me (which is the current theme of VERY LOST, though that could change at any moment, per my newsletter title).

Thank you for providing a bit of background. Among the experiences you've documented in your writings, I found the one about Ayahuasca very relatable. Even though during my recent career break, I didn’t fly to Latin America, I did try magic mushrooms. I hoped they would offer insight into what I needed to do with my life, but I ended up disappointed due to my unrealistic expectations.

Your words in the article resonated with me:

‘I didn’t have answers to any of my questions; my anxiety about the future was not cured. Everything I had discovered, I — on some level — already knew.’

Do you feel your questions or anxiety about the future started to dissolve at some point in your travels? Alternatively, did your approach to these life questions change?

This was interesting to reflect on!

Unfortunately, I’m an anxious person, and my anxiety will never really go away, but there’s been moments of calm on my travels – one of which was after my ayahuasca retreat. That experience helped me see my problems as much less serious than I made them to be.

One of the best parts about travel, to me, is also the opportunity to build meaningful relationships with people who made much different life choices than you have.

At home, my circles are often filled with the same people, living the same lives. While none of that is bad, it does make you anxious about the thought of not being able to keep up.

There’s very little of that here.

Sure, I’ve come across a fair share of crypto millionaires who make me wish I bought bitcoin in 2013, but I mostly meet people who have made risky decisions in the name of adventure, and who aren’t prescribing themselves to the path they’ve been given.

It makes me feel like I can take charge of my own life too, and even if I make a choice I regret, there’s always room to make another.

I totally agree with that! Another interesting realization you had, which I had the chance to witness through your newsletter titled “On Free-Falling”, is the one that took place during a silent meditation retreat you did in the Andes Mountains, which you described as follows:

‘I thought a lot about how attached I was to not just my job, but my sense of prestige, my quality of life — and that, as I had realized, these things could be taken away at any time.

It’s difficult to not be attached to a job, especially in the United States. We rely on jobs for food and housing, but also healthcare, community, and something to care about. While I don’t think we (or I) will be able to practice full non-attachment to our careers, I’ve vowed to stop making a job my identity. I will never again be “Zefan from Amazon,” or anywhere else. I’ll love my work, while also remembering that job security is no longer an expectation. I’ll make time for side hustles not just for my financial health, but for my continued sense of purpose.’

Can you talk a little bit more about the period preceding this experience, often described as the “It’s not that bad” period? Additionally, do you think having these types of realizations, that often liberate (at least partially) oneself from societally pre-defined goals and values, is only possible by undertaking similar life-changing experiences, or can they also occur in daily life?

I’ve never heard it called the “it’s not that bad” period, but I love it! Totally fits.

I’ve been lucky to have had a pretty solid career path. I spent most of my career at Boeing, and was really excited about my time at Amazon. And I was really attached to my career success – the companies, the promotions, the special projects. I found a lot of purpose in my work.

I don’t think that’s inherently a bad thing. But I also found that in moments of high stress, it was difficult for me to separate my career and personal life.

For example, I remember I once made a fairly small mistake (as confirmed by my director the next day) and I spent literally the entire night - until 5am the next day - in a panic. That didn’t really lead to my revelation, though. What really made me think about how attached I was to my job was the complete devastation I felt when I was laid off.

Sure, my situation was aggravated by the fact that I had also just moved across the country, but I felt like without my job, I had nothing rooting me to my life, to anything.

I felt completely lost.

And then I realized I didn’t want an employment contract – something decided on by someone else – to have that much control over me, especially when it had nothing to do with my performance or character.

I think a layoff is definitely a wake-up call, but it doesn’t have to be the only one. I wish I had caught myself earlier, when I realized the influence my job had over my quality of life. I was never good at compartmentalizing.

I know I’m not going to be a nomad forever; more likely than not, I will return to the traditional 9-5. Moving forward, I want to be sure that my job isn’t the only “root” I have in my life. A lot of people have families that can offer a grounding force, but for me it will be hobbies, side hustles, and communities that mean something to me.

Back to the present moment, where are you now? What do you see coming for you next?

At this moment, I’m in Sofia, Bulgaria! I’ve been here for two months and have loved the community I’ve had here, but this weekend I’ll keep traveling and explore the Balkans for about a month.

After that, I’m not totally sure.

I’ve been on the road for 16 months now, and I think it’s time to settle down somewhere. I’m applying for some exciting permanent roles, but also considering settling somewhere in South America (a continent I absolutely loved) to keep improving my Spanish and building a new life going forward.

Wow, these sound like very exciting plans! Thanks so much, Zefan, for taking part in this interview! I hope our readers will benefit from your writings and enjoy them as much as I did. Best of luck on your future adventures!

Thanks, Caterina! Appreciate the chance to talk more about new life paths and meanings with you.

Check Zefan’s essays below: