Feeling Like You’re the Only One Still Figuring Things Out in 2025?

The unexpected lesson I learned talking to dozens of people in NYC in 2024

Dear friends,

After an unplanned, yet much-needed break from writing, I’m popping back into your inbox.

I hope your year started off well! If it’s not too late to wish you so, even over a week after we turned the last page of 2024.

November and December were demanding months for me.

Between navigating heavy workloads and having my family visiting me here in the States from Italy, I found myself starting January in what my partner and friends called “my hibernation phase.” In short: I slept—a lot.

This pushed my ‘comeback’ to writing further and further, until I realized it was time to start typing on my keyboard again:

December also marked a temporary migration for my partner and me—from NYC’s frigid winter to much warmer spots like Florida (Miami area) and the slightly warmer (ugh) North Carolina.

Working remotely is what makes this possible, and I’m grateful for it. It offsets the downside of working an otherwise modestly paid academic job in the most expensive city in the world.

Speaking of work, salaries, and career paths—today’s newsletter is precisely about that. Specifically, a lesson I learned in 2024:

Most of us fall victim to a Fundamental Attribution Error—we assume others have their career paths more figured out than we do.

Over the past few months in NYC, I’ve had a lot of conversations

I attended meetups, academic conferences, and neighborhood gatherings.

I organized hangouts with friends and acquaintances, hosted picnics, and even threw farewell parties.

I volunteered, joined informal clubs, and struck up conversations with random people at bus stops (well, I’m kidding—not in NYC!)

In sum, I took socializing very seriously. In this earlier newsletter, I explained more about why I committed to this experiment.

Well, this effort not only helped me move the needle in envisioning what I might do next—‘next’ meaning when I’d receive my Employment Authorization here in the States, a document that would allow me to access the normal job market and no longer being tied to a working visa and a single employer (which, in the meantime, I received a few days before Christmas, like a much anticipated Christmas gift🎉)—it also revealed something crucial about how people think and act regarding their careers.

The Fundamental Attribution Error

In conversations with my pool—primarily women, aged mid-20s to early 40s—the demographic I found myself interacting with the most at events and gatherings—I realized something striking:

Almost everyone undervalues their own job while overvaluing the jobs of others.

In a sort of 🕶️⭐Imposter Syndrome meets Fundamental Attribution Error⭐🕶️, people often perceive others as doing more than they actually do in their jobs, while feeling insecure about their own work:

• A psychiatrist friend dismissed her role as “just” prescribing medicine.

• The bank auditor acquaintance investigating financial crimes viewed her work as repetitive and not particularly demanding.

• A consultant managing multiple projects and participating in volunteering initiatives worried she lacked hard skills.

• PhD students I work with felt their research is too niche to make a real impact.

The list goes on, spanning ages, industries, and, occasionally (again, based in my experience), gender lines.

However, the real corroboration to my theory came when I shared this observation, which had further evolved into the understanding that this is just another layer of pressure we place on ourselves—beyond having a good job, performing well, enjoying it, and making a ‘positive impact,’ to a friend, to which she replied:

“OMG, that was exactly the theme of my latest therapy session!”

It’s 2025, and, for good or for bad, there’s still no code to crack for your career

If the new year has begun and you’re facing career changes, feeling self-conscious, or dreading conversations about your career situation—know that you’re not alone.

Chances are, the person you’re speaking with is experiencing the same doubts and concerns.

Stay focused and be well!