A Month in Miami Kicked My A**

The city of shiny condos, OnlyFans influencers, and a self-centered attitude propelled the change I didn't know I needed so much.

The setting where most of my self-therapy sessions took place

Let’s be honest—you say you love Miami, and everyone thinks you've turned into a tacky, crypto-obsessed individual spending afternoons scouring Facebook groups for second-hand Porsches (a pursuit that I found to be a ‘thing’ here).

Given these stereotypes, few would believe Miami was the catalyst for my personal enlightenment, more so than an ashram in India could have been at this moment in my life.

And it happened in a non-conventional way, as only Miami could:

by kicking my a**.

When I first got here, just a month ago…

my mood was at some of its lowest points.

For months, my health had been suffering, and dealing with confusing medical bills as an expat on a low academia salary with shitty health insurance only compounded the stress.

Additionally, the job I started upon arriving in the US turned out to be much different from what I had envisioned, contributing to the overall feeling of displacement and general dissatisfaction.

Over time, I gradually started feeling like a fish out of water, unconsciously reinforcing a sense of invisibility within me.

These feelings manifested innocuously at first,

starting by affecting the way I dressed up in my day to day.

Thoughts like, 'Nobody cares about how I’m dressed here in the US. People even go to the gym in pajamas,' led me to take morning walks in a questionable combo made up of worn-out sweatpants and cowboy boots simply because I was too lazy to tie my trainers—a choice that would undoubtedly embarrass any Italian mother (I could almost hear mine shouting at me, 'Do you want people to see you dressed like a homeless person???').

Admittedly, defying the projection of my mother’s authority in this silly context initially gave me an adrenaline rush.

With the freedom of a rider on a Harley Davidson, I found myself strolling around the block whispering 'I can dress however I want and people will need to deal with it!'—something I would rarely do in Italy, where societal pressure our natural fashion sense dictates that we dress pretty nicely, whether going to the bakery or taking a leisurely walk.

However, only now do I realize that dressing carelessly soon became an excuse for complacency.

Asking myself “Who cares?” became my default attitude in almost every action of my day, further reinforcing feelings of uselessness and being invisible.

Looking back, my careless behaviors started even further back

Although I love the remote work lifestyle, I realize it may have worsened some bad habits over the years, like forgetting to go outside for days on end because I could do everything at home in front of a screen.

This also affected my posture, which became hunched despite my consistent workouts (thankfully, I never gave those up).

On top of that, the disappointment by this chapter of my time in the US was so high that, for one of the few times in almost eight years of living abroad, I considered returning to Italy.

Just like

Linds Alyse

writes in ‘Have I Lost My Spark?’, when in Zürich, she finds herself romanticizing her life back in Portland:

“I’ve caught myself lost in endless social media scrolls, each scroll leaving me feeling more disconnected and indifferent towards the glimpses of others’ lives. And in these moments, I’m prone to romanticizing my past, indulging in the belief that perhaps, just maybe, the grass was greener on the other side.”

Eventually, I talked myself back to sanity: 'What exactly would I be returning to?'

Of course, after all the effort put into finding a job that would sponsor my working visa here in the States, I couldn't find an answer to this question.

My personal philosophy in recent years, ‘Run towards something, not away from something,’ has thankfully prevented me to take many impulsive decisions in moments of disappointment.

My negative bubble burst when I arrived in Miami

My new and old negative patterns turned out to be dramatically out of place in a city where appearance is everything, and perhaps for the better.

Feeling invisible? In Miami, people don’t hide—they show off.

Walking around staring at your feet and feeling as pessimistic as Woody Allen in one of his movies? You couldn’t be more out of place in Brickell, the waterfront financial district of Miami, where people stride confidently with their chins held high.

In downtown Miami, showing cleavage is the minimum accessory a woman can have. Wearing bright fuchsia leggings on a Monday morning to go grocery shopping is a close second. Seeing people driving their Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Porsches, or Tesla Cybertrucks all the time makes you believe they cost as much as a Fiat Panda. Daddy Yankee and J Balvin blaring from cars on the street multiple times a day serve as the city-wide call to prayer.

For full disclosure, I observed all of this with admiration, amusement, and silent inspiration.

Therefore, after countless talks with my partner, self-therapy sessions by the pool (another must-do activity for anyone spending time in Miami), and exposure therapy to people who, if not already confident, are at least ‘faking it until they make it,’ I concluded that I couldn’t linger any longer in my negativity.

I needed to take action.

Miami sparked the following actions in me:

I vowed to take up more physical and virtual space moving forward.

As I mentioned earlier, the worse I felt, the more I retreated, finding comfort in working from home and reducing the potential of meeting new people or improving my work situation to zero.

Miami inspired me to reverse this trend.

Over the past few weeks, I challenged myself to fully prepare and wear clothes beyond gym shorts, sweatpants, or pajamas, even while working from home—I know, just like normal people 'out there' do.

In terms of virtual endeavors, even if I’m not physically in NYC over the summer, I found the motivation to take a proactive approach to my career by reaching out to people to establish new projects and partnerships for when I’ll be back to the City in September.

Even in my relationship with Substack, I discovered that I had been opening the app with an automatic sense of defeatism, feeling that I didn’t have the right to occupy much 'virtual space.'

Despite what many people seem to complain about, writing daily notes has been a way for me to reclaim my right to be present in this space and nudge myself out of my comfort zone a little every day. (I promise I hardly ever write about ‘how to become a successful Substack writer’, though, so you can forgive me!)

In a nutshell, I found the motivation to put myself out there again.

Ever since taking these mini-steps, I've been in a kind of Renaissance of my soul.

While it's true that Miami knocked me down like a clumsy salsa dancer, it also helped me rediscover the rhythm to build my own path, both personally and professionally.

Have you ever gone through a similar period? Has there been a city or place that helped pull you out of the darkness?

or,

Some resources that provided an extra boost of motivation during this phase:

• ‘Practical ways to grow your network without asking anyone to 'pick their brain'', by

  Anna Mackenzie
  ;

• ‘Belonging in Digital Spaces’, by

  Reema Baniabbasi
  ;

• Oh, and if you missed it, you can still check ‘My Journey to Working From Anywhere — 6 tips that helped me achieve the lifestyle I wanted so badly’;

Until next week!

Yours,
Caterina