I No Longer Have Sunday Scaries

All the things I’ve tried to finally rid myself of them—and why living a digital-nomad lifestyle wasn't the solution

Finally able to enjoy my Sunday.

For the longest time, I’ve suffered from Sunday Scaries.

The sinking feeling in my chest would start creeping in on Sunday afternoons or evenings (sometimes, even on a Saturday if I thought, for just a moment, about Monday!).

When that happened, I’d often struggle to feel present with myself or the people around me for the rest of the weekend.

A manager in my department once said about the nature of our work in Operations:

“You’ll hardly ever finish a day with a clean desk if your work in this field.

For every task solved, more tasks will come through. You need to familiarize yourself with this feeling.”

This theory, which I can’t seem to find online, allegedly had a name along the lines of ‘Clean desk, Dirty desk.’

For as much as I looked up to that manager’s expertise—and the valuable knowledge he shared with us—I still have mixed feelings about him and this philosophy.

As a matter of fact, at the time, my Sunday Scaries were mostly caused by:

• Back-to-back deadlines, each just a few days long,

• A workload that felt impossible to complete,

• An inbox that was constantly overflowing,

The solution to my ‘dirty desk’ every night?

Melatonin, melatonin, melatonin.

Nothing else seemed to solve the problem at its root.

Working at a young-ish startup meant that everyone, including the founders, was 'trying to figure things out.' Processes also changed almost every month, adding more workload just when you thought you could catch your breath.

It’s been over a year and a half since I left that job.

When I take half or a third of a 3mg pill of melatonin now, I’m knocked out.

Back then, an entire one would often not be enough to help me fall asleep.

Understanding the problem

If you’re here thinking I have a magical solution 🪄 to make your Sunday Scaries disappear, mind you—I don’t. There are far too many variables at play in each of our jobs to offer a one-size-fits-all fix.

However, I’ve come to understand a thing or two about the demon that reportedly affects 75% of us during the time I spent dealing with it.

The first thing I learned, is that Sunday Scaries thrive when we have…

Too much on our plate

Before we dive in, I want to clarify something.

For a counterintuitive logic, Sunday Scaries can also thrive when we have too little on our plate.

As humans, we are wired to feel valued and needed in the world. Spending eight hours a day in a job that doesn’t fulfill those needs or have any other positive impact on our lives can be just as exhausting.

However, as someone who has experienced both extremes, I’ve found it much easier to think about escape plans when you have less to do, compared to when you’re constantly overworked.

When you’re out of fuel 24/7, it becomes incredibly hard to look for another job!

As a matter of fact, a ‘dirty desk’ is a problem when it becomes the norm.

I recently watched the AVICII documentary on Netflix, I’m Tim, and there’s a moment where either the young DJ himself or an artist he collaborated with (it’s been a couple of weeks…) says:

“I guess that, if someone keeps being insanely productive, people might not notice when you’re struggling.”

The only thing I regret about my previous job is not having been able to slow down or—what might sound counterintuitive— “being less productive,”¹ before I burned out and got sick of my work.

Bad management

A bad manager is another primary cause of Sunday Scaries because of the stressful environment they create.

Poor communication, a lack of support, unrealistic expectations, and micromanagement—these are all perfect ingredients for Sunday Scaries to knock at your door when all you should be doing is resting!

At one point in my previous job, we got assigned a new manager who was… a 10-year-old in a 40-year-old's body.

As soon as I started noticing signs of his immaturity and micromanaging style—my internal alarm bell went off, screaming, 'I NEED TO GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE.'

(At the time, 'here' referred to my team, which he was leading.)

His behaviors only kept getting worse overtime, and after a few weeks of raising the issue about them—talking with the HR department, reaching out to colleagues from other teams about potential lateral moves, and reporting him to his manager—the universe finally responded, and I was able to move to a different team.

My belief is that, when dealing with full-grown adults—whether in romantic or professional relationships—you need to assume that people rarely change.

As a matter of fact, during a performance review, he once asked me for feedback, and when I gave it to him, he replied:

“Oh no, anybody would act like me in these kinds of situations.”

In sum, what worked and what didn’t for my Sunday Scaries?

Here’s a recap list of my attempts:

🛑What DID not work

#1 “Relax! It’s just a job”

Seriously, I have the deepest admiration for those who seem to be able to separate their personal life from their professional one, Severance-style.

I’ve tried to do it. I really did. But I failed.

Soon, I had to come to accept that I simply don’t have the built-in feature to ignore my dissatisfaction at work when I’m outside of it. And that’s OK.

#2 Meditation

I’m all about meditation, and if you’ve been hanging around here for a while, you probably know that.

However, meditating when you feel stuck in a constant state of overwhelm feels a bit like doing so in a house that’s burning down—it won’t solve the problem.

So, while it’s true that there are things for which we need the serenity to accept that they cannot change, a job, for me, is not one of them.

💊What worked so-so

#3 Physical activity

The good thing about my time spent under said micromanaging and immature boss was the boost it gave to my cardio endurance.

During those months, I probably built the capacity to compete in the Tour de France.

I owe it all to the spinning classes I attended during that time. Those sessions helped me maintain a calm mind amidst chaos and plan a way out of the situation.

So yes, exercise alone won’t solve your personal or professional problems, but it can prevent you from being arrested for disorderly conduct in times of stress.

#4 Therapy

I love therapy, and as someone with an MSc in Psychology, I couldn’t recommend it enough (especially to those who’d need it most… ahem, bad bosses).

Having someone to help you work through hardships is incredibly beneficial (though different styles may work better for certain circumstances).

However, a good therapist won’t change your situation for you or hand you a pre-packaged solution.

Ultimately, the ability to address your problems is very much up to you.

📗What DOES work

#5 An emergency fund

My life lessons over the past few years have taught me to save money for mainly two things:

1. Healthcare bills: As an Italian living in the States, my worst nightmare is dealing with the American private healthcare system and the horror stories I’ve heard about it.

2. Leaving a job out of despair or burnout.

Building a financial cushion for emergencies, like when job dissatisfaction reaches unbearable levels, makes overwhelming situations more manageable.

That’s what I largely relied on when I took my 6-month career break.

#6 People’s support

If I owed my partner money for all the endless conversations, complaints and tears he had to endure while I had Sunday Scaries, I would proably be indebted for life.

People’s support—whether it’s from a partner, a family member, a friend, or even someone you randomly met who is going through similar issues—is incredibly helpful.

In retrospect, living a traveling digital-nomad lifestyle while working under the job described above was a questionable decision.

When you travel constantly, you often find yourself alone (or perhaps with a partner or a travel buddy, only). However, if you have Sunday Scaries, the worst thing you can do is isolate yourself.

There were times during those roughly two years when I asked myself,

“I’m traveling the world while working my fully remote job—why can’t I seem able to focus only on things outside of work?”

The thing is—this job and the ability to work from anywhere were like partners in a toxic relationship—you know it’s bad for you, but the benefits are too good.

Either way, the answer to said question would again lie in point #1.

#7 Changing job

Ultimately, if you’ve tried all the suggestions above—plus a few more—and nothing seems to relieve your Sunday Scaries, applying temporary fixes might not be the solution.

In that case, arm yourself with patience, come up an exit plan, and trust that something better is waiting for you.

In my case, after trying all the things above and finally opting for a job change—at a time that coincided with a move to a new country—I now feel far more balanced (and able to fully enjoy my Sundays!)

This happened at a time when I didn’t even believe completely getting rid of the Sunday Scaries was possible.

Thank you for reading this week’s newsletter! If you experienced Sunday Scaries before…

• What do you think was the cause?

• What helped you overcome them?

I’d love to hear your experience!

That’s all from me this week.

Until next time!

Yours,
Caterina

1. With this, I don’t want to transfer all the responsibility onto the employee. High-performers’ needs or requests are known to be often overlooked (because of their great performance, indeed!), until it’s too late. Managers should be able to read the signals, safeguard employees, and reward them appropriately.